‘Twas the Night before Christmas

by Jack Frost de Leffler

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through Paris, France
Not a store was open, not even to buy pants;
My menorah was mounted by the chimney with care,
In hopes that Hanukah Harry soon would be there;
I was planning Chinese and a movie, like any good Jew,
Perhaps an afternoon showing of “It’s a Wonderful Life” with some pork à la moo-shoo? ;
A bottle of Sancerre and a large Evian were on tap,
As I settled onto my couch for a long winter’s nap,
When my phone started to vibrate, it caused such a clatter,
It was Aurelie, I said “what’s the matter?”.
Our friend Corinne had been rushed to the hospital in a flash,
About to give birth to her baby, getting ready for diaper rash.
So we hopped on our horses and trudged through the snow,
No just kidding, this is 2006 of course we traveled by metro,
We brought a gourmet Christmas dinner, have no fear,
Guided by a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,
“I’m celebrating Christmas,” I thought, ‘Am I going to hell?’
What’s the harm in a little tree and visit from Père Noel?
It was my Christmas mitzvah, Moses would be proud,
The reindeer were even Jewish, so we yelled their names out loud,
‘Now Dasherstein! now, Klezmer Dancer! now, Prancercohen and Rabbi Vixen!
On, Cometchaim! On, Challah Cupid! on Prima Donner and Cantor Blitzen!
To the top of the Eiffel Tower! to the edge of the Seine!
Trying to avoid deportation from Jean-Marie Le Pen!
We prepared a gourmet feast of scallops, salmon tiramisu, fancy French cheeses, foie gras, and chocolate cake,
A bit different than the traditional brisket and latkes my Mommaleh used to make,
So up to the hospital we flew to see Mary,
She was in the maternity ward, which wasn’t so scary.
We were like the Magi bringing gifts and cheer,
Even though Baby Jesus wasn’t quite ready to come out, but the doctors said the coast was clear.
And then, in a twinkling, we dined under the roof
Using plastic knives to cut our filets de boeuf.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the hallway the nurses came with a bound,
We offered them something to eat, an alternative from their gross hospital turkey and gravy,
It’s the least we could do until the arrival of the baby.
A bundle of Toys we had flung on our backs,
We fit so many Christmas decorations into Aurélie’s backpack.
Corinne was thrilled - her eyes-how they twinkled! her dimples how merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry!
She had a pretty face but a little round belly,
And we made sure to add to our foie gras a bowlful of fig jelly.
We piled the presents by the tree on the shelf,,
and I was so happy to do this mitzvah, I felt good about myself;
With a wink of her eye and a twist of her head,
We decided to leave and head off to bed.
There was not a taxi in the whole city,
So we waited in the cold, the site was not pretty,
But finally – a Christmas miracle! – a taxi appeared,
Much sooner than we all had feared;
We hailed the bright yellow sleigh, to the cabbie gave a whistle,
and away we all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard someone exclaim, ‘ere we drove out of sight,
‘Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night.’